that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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