Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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