I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
