fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
