Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
