She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
