College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
