Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
