According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
