Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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