I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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