this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
