omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
