using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
