Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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