no, he came in my armpit
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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