Fuck appropriateness.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
