i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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