Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
