And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
