pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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