Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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