I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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