you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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