Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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