have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
