so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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