Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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