Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
