Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
