i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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