Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
