Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
