The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
