happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
