dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
