At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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