btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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