I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
