She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
