question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
