sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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