ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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