I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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