Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The feeling are messing with the penis
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
