i think my mom watched the whole time
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
