At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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