my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
