how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
