I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
